Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
