I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
