U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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