so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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