i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
