Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
