I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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