i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
