i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
