captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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