Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
