I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
