You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
