Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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