I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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