Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
