Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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