Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
