I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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