I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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