Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
