I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
