I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
