Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
