I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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