Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
