My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
