Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
