he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
