My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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