Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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