when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
