Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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