I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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