So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I stole a fireplace last night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
