Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
