Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
