I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
