I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
