Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
