Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
