Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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