Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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