it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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