You really coming over, don't trick.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
