I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
