2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Is it penis luge time yet?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
