Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
