PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
