it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
