Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
